Shapley

If you haven’t had a terrible first date then you’re in a minority of one. Late arrivals, bad choice of venue or just a simple lack of personal chemistry can turn even a simple quiet drink together into a disaster.

These things are often out of your control, but with the help of a few simple ideas you can reduce the chances of things going too badly to begin with.

Firstly, don’t arrange a mammoth social engagement like a trip to the theatre. Without knowing someone’s personal tastes you could easily slip up. You’re also making it awkward to cut the evening short if things do start to go wrong as your date might feel obliged to stay even if it’s clear you’re not getting along. Stuffy formal settings like a top quality restaurant might seem appealing but it can make you look as if you’re trying too hard.

Keeping the mood casual extends to your conversation. Stay away from potentially prickly subjects like politics and religion. Even if you’re confident that your date isn’t religious, you don’t know what their background might be and a misplaced joke could prove to be massively offensive.

It’s also critical to be yourself. You’ve probably read a million times that ‘first impressions’ count and that is undoubtedly true. But at the same time acting the big “I am” is very off putting. Making claims you can’t back up in order to impress might work fine for a single date, but remember that this date is supposed to just be the first one. Eventually and hopefully this person will want to really know you and won’t be impressed if they find out that you’re not really a Premiership footballer or have actually been married 7 times before despite your claims to being a virgin.

If there’s one attribute above all others that makes for a great date, it’s the ability to listen. While you might be keen to let your date know something about yourself, try not to talk over them when they’re telling you about themselves. If they have a story, try to avoid the temptation to top it with a ‘better’ one that you know. It’s a subtle way of demeaning them and will make them feel inadequate and less inclined to show up for a future date.

So, you’re looking at a get together that is relatively short and informal. Be open to whatever the other person has to say and be open and honest about yourself in return. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and don’t pretend to something you’re not. Ultimately, don’t fear problems – first dates needn’t be a disaster waiting to happen, but could be the first day of the rest of your life.