Shapley

There are many jokes about why woman appear mysterious to men. But in truth, the same could be said of the mysteries men hold for women. What motivates a guy to behave the way he does – and how can you start to win his confidence? The first thing to remember is that men have just as many insecurities as you. They are just about different things and are packaged differently.

Men are primarily worried about their status in a lot of cases. I don’t like to draw with such a broad brush normally, but behind a lot of the things that worry men is a desire just to establish a place in the pecking order. Having the “right” woman is a critical part of that mix. That’s not to say – contrary to popular belief – that all a man wants is a pretty blonde with great curves. Women drive themselves to distraction thinking that that is what they have to become in order to snag a decent man.

Men are actually just looking for someone they can be proud of – and that pride can come from a lot of unusual aspects of a woman’s personality. For instance, even the prettiest of faces won’t cut much ice if its owner commits the cardinal sins of being self-obsessed, uptight or serious. These are the things that men dislike about women. He doesn’t want to hear about your battle to stay in shape or your gym routine. That suggests to him that you are either fishing for compliments or will never be able to relax. Worse still, he might fear that your regime will extend to trying to improve him in some way.

What most men aren’t looking for is to become a crutch for someone striving for some kind of imagined perfection. Better to be yourself, acknowledge your flaws in a humourous way and get on with the fun! And “fun” doesn’t necessarily equate with sex. Another mistake that woman often make is to flaunt their sexuality. Whilst there are some circumstances where that is fine, it can be offputting for date. Men have sex hang-ups too. They might not be happy about being pressurised into getting their whang out in front of a stranger for one thing. And, despite common misconceptions, there’s no gaurantee that they’ll respect you just because you’re ‘easy’. In fact, possibly quite the opposite.

We could go on in this vein forever, but there’s an underlying theme here. Most men respect and like women who are happy with themselves and aren’t trying to change themselves or a prospective mate. So when you’re dating a guy, just relax and show him the real you. And even if losing 6lbs is the single greatest achievement of your life, remember that 9 times out 10, he’s just not interested.