‘People look better at work’ she says, as she discusses the odd relationships that often ensure after an encounter at the vending machine. ‘There is definitely an element of role-play and posturing. If you are stuck in a rigid structure, the temptation to subvert from the expected norm is overwhelming’.

Kellaway also points to advances in communication which has lead to the rise of the ‘office spouse’ – male colleagues whom women exchange flirty and suggestive texts and emails too. These relationships tend to be open and are regarded as totally innocent, although not so to the real partners of the office spouses. Surveys have also revealed that at least one in four workers have engaged in an office based fling.

Not only are staff flirting with fellow co-workers but the rise in online dating means workers can commit adultery without ever having to leave the desk. Simply log into one of the numerous marital affair dating sites such as Ashley Madison, where you will find thousands of other married men and women looking to play away from home.

Kellway, who is married with four children, believes our attitude to fidelity is mixed and confused. ‘On one hand, we have the near-religious rule of commitment through marriage, where women adopt a one strike and you’re out policy. On the other, our society is so sexualised that when a couple’s sex life dies down for whatever reason, the knee-jerk response is that the marriage must be failing’.  The end result being that they look elsewhere for excitement instead of ironing out the problems at home.

With 40% of UK marriages ending in divorce and infidelity being one of the most commonly-cited reasons we’re all too apparently willing to risk everything for a little sex on the side.

The rise in both online dating sites and sites dedicated specifically to helping would-be adulterers to have an affair must be a contributing factor in this picture. Despite a slew of well-publicised cases where online affairs have spilled over into the world and led to not merely divorces, but even murders, we apparently can’t get enough.

Research has shown that up to 60% of us cheat at some point. If you’re in that demographic then bear in mind that you are playing not just with your own happiness but the happiness of other people too.

The mental strain of maintaining a web of lies and cover stories can easily prove to be too much to handle in the long term and people who congratulate themselves on their cleverness often trip up over something as simple as a text message left on an unguarded phone.

There are a few things you can do if your personal risk/reward analysis favours a fling, regardless of the potential consequences.

Firstly, make sure that you practice safe sex. A sexually transmitted infection or unwanted pregnancy can ruin your life in may ways.

Make sure that you can be honest with the other person – if you’re after a mere shag, you will do yourself no favours by promising your heart to the other person. You’re lying them – and making it doubly dangerous for yourself if the relationship turns sour.

Be discreet – it might sound like a no-brainer, but the more people that know about your infidelities the more chance there is of a slip of the tongue leading to your secret life being blown apart. You might want to confess to a close friend, but give very, very serious consideration as to whether you want more people to know about your affairs.

Well that assumption has been shown to have some basis in fact by a study released yesterday in the USA – but perhaps not as much as you’d think.

Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas undertook a survey of 5000 members of a popular online dating website to test their attitudes to truth and deception. The study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that men were indeed more likely to tell lies in an online environment.

However, Hall concluded that most of these lies were motivated by a desire to ‘fit in’ with social norms rather than just a matter of simple presentation. He noted:

“What people lie about depends on what kind of people they are. For example, if you’re an extrovert, you might downplay the number of past relationships you’ve had because chances are you’ve had more relationships than an introvert.”

Those who are the most likely to tell fibs are those that Hall calls “high self monitors”. These are people who are very aware of the things that people generally like and are adept at controlling their own behaviour to fit in with these patterns. Underlying this can be character traits which the person would much rather be hidden and so they fall into a patter of “little white lies”.

Hall’s more surprising conclusion was that while men tended to engage in this behaviour more than women, the percentage difference was actually very small. Furthermore, in the study group as a whole levels of honesty were surprisingly high.

Hall points out in his summary that as most people engaged in an online relationship would ultimately like to meet up in real life, the risks associated with lying are so high as to render people more honest than you might expect.

The message is clear: if you are online dating, more often than not you can trust the other person. But still, keeps your wits about you and look for tell-tale signs that they’re not being entirely honest with you.

However, not every clash is so simple. If you have cheated your partner or have dated your friend (those who are interested should check out Ashley Madison), be ready to face the music when your partner discovers. This might turn out to be your biggest blunder. And it may even lead to a divorce situation.

So the big question arises, how to you avoid clashes in a relationship. I would like to suggest the following tips:

• Always keep the interest of your partner in mind. While in a relationship it’s not only about you. You have to share and care and sustain the relationship.
• If one amongst you gets furious over something, the other should learn t remain calm. Things never work out with two heated up minds.
• Keep pampering your partner. Everyone likes to be loved and recognized.
• Clashes are an outburst of Stress. Keep stress levels to minimal and indulge in activities – sports, music or trekking etc.
• Spend some time alone with your partner and try to understand her or him. A beach resort vacation or hill station vacation is an ideal spot.
• Decorate your home with large pictures of you both.

Remember that that there is no magic wand that can guide you to the righteous path. It’s you who have to create magic all the time. Be polite and patient with your lady love. Women are more emotional than men. Things never sort out practically with women. So use your dreamy landscape and make things more interesting to please her.

Most of the clashes can be avoided easily. All you would need is to rest your ego at peace and use your mind. Don’t lose precious moments discussing nonsense with your partner. Pep up your personal life and you will discover a healthy change. Make your partner feel special and important. They should be your priority and keeping them happy is your job. Rest of the things will fall in place if you could just manage to stay calm.

The study was conducted by Illicit Encounters, an married dating site based in the UK, which claims over 55% of its 380,000 members are golf fans.  The website creates a platform for married people to pursue affairs.

Spokesperson for the site Sara Hartley comments, “Golf is a sport often played by high-fliers, and we have already seen that go-getting ABC1 individuals are those most likely to cheat.  It’s all about achievement; these people are relentless when it comes to getting what they want – the best car, the perfect home.  But many don’t stop at material possesions.  When faced with an imperfect relationship, it is these individuals who will be most likely to pursue something extra.”

“Opportunism plays a part too.  If the rumours about Woods’ affair are true, he couldn’t have picked a better sport.  Golfing weekends and long afternoons on range provide a perfect alibi for an affair.”

Wives take note; when your spouse takes off on a quest for the perfect hole-in-one,  make sure he’s not scoring  it with someone else.

Tiger Woods photo from Flickr, taken by Keith Allison.

First thing you should consider is who you want to have an affair with. If you haven’t already met someone there are websites where you can meet like minded men and women who are also looking for an affair. If you choose to subscribe to one of these sites it’s important to have an explanation of what the expense is for if tour partner has access to your credit card expenditure. It might be worth getting a second, secret credit card in order to cover your tracks.

Here is a list of the best websites to use in order to find like minded men or women, its important to understand that the members of these sites will also have a spouse. This is therefore usually a much safer strategy than having an affair with a single person (who has nothing to lose).

• Ashley Madison – This was the first affair ‘dating’ site, we recommend it as it has more members than others.
  
• Illicit Encounters

We have produced golden rules which you should follow once you have successfuly found someone you would like to start having an affair with:

1. Never bring your lover to your home, or go to there home. This is a very easy way to get caught. Peoples plans change and the last with you want is his or her spouse walking in on you both!
2. Don’t exchange home phone numbers or mobile phone numbers. Your communications are also going to need to remain completely under the radar to avoid any suspicion.
3. Don’t give your new lover your home phone number or home address.
4. Keep a low profile when you and your partner are doing things, go out of the area – the last thing you want is to be spotted by one of your or your partners friends. It will get back to them.
5. Try to get into a regular pattern of seeing your new lover, this will prevent your spouse from becoming suspicious.
6. Don’t trust anyone with your secret, it could destroy your life, depending on what your relationship with your spouse is like.
7. Never make promises you can’t keep to your new lover, a frustrated lover may try to confront you or your spouse. This is why its safer having an affair with someone else who also has a spouse.
8. Don’t befriend each other on Social Networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace or Faceparty. Creating links will make people suspicious!

Have fun